Hi Reader
How are you? I hope you've had a nice weekend and have been taking good care of yourself.
Today I wanted to talk you about the surprising vulnerability of healthy relationships.
For many of us who have had a history of insecure relationship dynamics — where fighting to be heard, seen and validated is the norm — it can be quite disorienting to enter your first healthy relationship and realise that, in many ways, it is more vulnerable than the unhealthy ones.
Dysfunction offers plenty of places to hide. We can hide in blame. We can hide in complaining all the time. We can hide in pursuing, pleading, and hoping. We can hide in convincing ourselves that we are the helpless, faultless victim of someone else's poor behaviour, and that if only they were to change, everything would fall into place.
Think about it — if you’re used to chasing unavailable partners who avoid talking about the future, you've probably never had to confront your own fears around commitment. There’s a lot of safety in focusing on their lack of commitment, as it allows you to avoid looking at whether you're truly ready for the deep connection you say you want.
Similarly, if you’ve always been the one pushing for more closeness and intimacy without ever getting it, it's easy to point the finger at your partner. But if they suddenly turned around and were fully available for the depth of intimacy that you say you want, you might suddenly be faced with a paralysing fear of being seen in a way you've never been seen before.
In many ways, it’s far easier and more comfortable to always be pushing for more than to sit in the vulnerability of being truly known.
This is why so many of us get a rude shock when we enter our first healthy relationship. We realise that we were so focused on the other person's deficits that we neglected to clean up our side of the street and confront our own fears and shortcomings.
This marks an illuminating new stage in your evolution and self-awareness. And the good news is that this level of openness can foster deeper, more authentic connections.
But be prepared: it’s not always going to be comfortable.
For more insights into what you might notice in your first healthy relationship, you can dive into my latest podcast episode, 3 Things You'll Notice in Your First Healthy Relationship.
And as always, feel free to hit reply and let me know if this one resonated for you. I personally read every single response, even if I can't reply to everybody 🤍
Sending love
Steph
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Byron Bay Retreat 2025
If this journey towards deeper vulnerability and connection resonates with you, I invite you to join us for a 3-night retreat in the Byron Bay hinterland in May 2025. It will be a beautiful opportunity to reconnect with yourself, build self-worth, and work through the blocks that have kept you from the wellbeing and connection you desire.
Limited earlybird spots now available — apply below.
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