Hi Reader
Let’s talk about boundaries. If you’ve ever found yourself hesitating to set a boundary with your partner because you’re afraid of how they might react, you’re not alone.
For those of us with an anxious attachment style, the idea of setting a boundary can feel incredibly daunting—like we’re risking the very connection we’re trying to protect.
One of the most challenging things about setting boundaries is that it can feel like they’re in direct competition with our relationships. When you're accustomed to feeling invalidated and like you have to justify and over-explain yourself at every turn, it can feel incredibly anxiety-inducing to think about voicing our limits and articulating what the consequences will be if they aren't honoured.
On the one hand, we know we need to advocate for ourselves, to create a sense of safety and integrity in our lives and relationships. On the other hand, there’s a lingering fear: What if setting this boundary causes a rift? What if our partner pushes back, or worse, what if they walk away?
Fortunately, setting healthy boundaries isn’t about issuing ultimatums or cutting people out of our lives. It’s about being brave enough to know what truly matters to us and having the self-respect to act in alignment with those values—even when it’s uncomfortable. It’s about choosing to honour our needs, as a way of fostering healthier, more authentic connections.
I know this is easier said than done. The fear of abandonment runs deep, and it can be terrifying to think that standing up for ourselves might lead to a change in our relationships.
But here’s the thing: true connection can only thrive when we feel safe and respected. By setting and maintaining our boundaries, we’re not just protecting ourselves—we’re also giving our relationships the chance to grow in a way that’s based on mutual respect and understanding.
It’s okay to feel scared, and it’s okay to start small. What’s important is that you start somewhere. Your wellbeing matters, and you deserve to be in relationships where your boundaries are honoured.
As always, I'd love to hear from you if this resonates — feel free to hit reply and let me know if it landed for you. Remember, setting boundaries isn’t about pushing people away—it’s about creating the space for your most important relationships to truly flourish.
Sending love,
Steph
P.S. In just three days, I’ll be reopening enrolment for my signature program, Healing Anxious Attachment. Click the button below to join the waitlist and be the first to know when doors open—and save $100 when you sign up! 👇🏼
