Hi Reader
How are you? I hope all is well in your world.
Today I wanted to share some thoughts on self-trust, which is always a much-requested topic amongst my community members.
If you struggle with insecure attachment patterns (whether more anxious or avoidant), there's a good chance you also struggle with self-trust. Maybe you've asked yourself some of these questions:
- How do I tell the difference between my intuition and my anxiety?
- How can I trust others when I've been let down so many times before?
- How can I have faith that I won't just keep repeating the same old patterns?
I usually find that underneath each of these questions is a bigger one: how can I make sure I don't get hurt?
It's so very human to want to avoid pain, and when we've been hurt before (perhaps many times), it's entirely natural that we would work even harder to try and prevent that hurt from happening again in the future.
We convince ourselves that if we can just make the right decision, we won't have to feel things like fear, anxiety, grief or loneliness. And by extension, that if we are feeling those things, we must've done something wrong.
Ironically, the more we seek to avoid these experiences, the more we entrench ourselves in patterns of stress, control and rigidity that actually keep us from the things we do want more of - things like joy, aliveness and connection. We're terrified that releasing control would expose us to an intolerable degree of vulnerability, when really it's that very same vulnerability that is the ticket to our authenticity, peace and freedom.
Of course, this isn't a switch that we can very easily flip on and off in our beings. Our protective mechanisms exist for a reason, and it takes time, practice and (most likely) some setbacks along the way to shift these patterns.
But in my experience, learning to practise self-trust rather than defaulting to habituated forms of control and self-protection is an incredibly liberating process that frees up so much space in our being. It's not easy, but it's worth it.
I hope this has given you something to reflect on. Feel free to hit reply and let me know if it resonates with you - I read every response even if I can't get back to everyone.
Sending love
Steph
PS. My 28-day challenge, The Secure Self, is kicking off again on 29 July! Join me and a supportive community of likeminded folks from all over the world as we build strong foundations of self-compassion, self-care, self-respect and self-trust. Click below to access early bird pricing 👇🏼
